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When Family Causes Grief at the Holidays

It’s Christmas and it would be nice if everyone’s family could understand the grief we are feeling and the intensity of it. Whether we are grieving a loved one’s death, in the thick of a divorce, have been transplanted to another city for work and can’t make it home, or simply have those pesky folks in the family who are feuding for some nonsensical thing that happened years ago and no one’s made up yet, Christmas always seems to open up wounds in some manner.

It’s like that proverbial band-aid that keeps getting pulled off opening up the scab again. It just doesn’t seem to fully heal.

And there are just some wounds that may never heal, yet for us to move forward with life, we need to find a balance.

A very good friend had a miserable Christmas this year because she still believe it’s her siblings’ role to visit her for Christmas. She can’t understand why they won’t.

They’ve all had their share of wounds from past hurts but no one will give in, leaving my friend lonely and sad on what should be the joyous of holidays.

So instead of letting it go and enjoying herself with her friends and turning them into her new family, she made herself sick because it didn’t turn out the way she wanted it. And instead of having dinner with neighbors who wanted to make it a wonderful holiday for her, she decided not to attend.

All I could think about is ‘how foolish.’

You have people who love you here, but you’re still trying to control a situation with actual family over a thousand miles away. That helps no one, most of all her.

Sometimes you have to cut your losses and realize you cannot control anyone but yourself.

You can’t change anyone but yourself.

So, perhaps one day, she will let that be and embrace the ones who do love and care about her. They just don’t have the same last name.

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